my brother just walked in here with a bunch of pancakes and was like ‘wow this is a whole lot of pancakes’ and then he closed his eyes and whispered to himself ‘but i am a whole lot of man’
SO I RUN FRANTICALLY INTO KROGER TO GET KETCHUP BEFORE MY MCNUGGETS GET COLD
AND AS I STAND AT THE SELF CHECK OUT WITH ONLY A JUMBO BOTTLE OF HEINZ TOMATO KETCHUP EVERYONE STARTS FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME LIKE WHAT THE HELL
THEN I REMEMBER IM WEARING THIS SHIRT
I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW
There is a whole lot of fancy around your neck.
when i was little and heard the term “radical muslim” i just thought they meant religious surfers
Late-For-Work Excuse of the Day: According to Redditor mard86:My co-worker sent an email saying he would be late because he was trying to untie a squirrel tail knot. I asked for a picture, and he delivered.
Here’s the email from said coworker:I was pressed into squirrel rescue this morning on my way out. 5 young squirrels got tangled in Christmas lights in my neighbor’s yard. We got the lights off, but now their tails are one big knot, so I have to bring them into a rescue place to untie them, as I am unequipped to untie squirrel tail knots. I should be in this afternoon.
Lilo my leopard gecko :)
you really REALLY REALLY SHOULD NOT HAVE SAND IN YOUR LEOPARD GECKO’S CAGE
why not I did when I was younger and had a leopard gecko
because it builds up in their stomachs and causes them to become impacted over time, killing them. leopard geckos live 15-20 years in the wild but most only live around 2 years because owners are pretty ignorant about how to take care of them and put them in sand, give improper heating, etc
Lilo my leopard gecko :)
you really REALLY REALLY SHOULD NOT HAVE SAND IN YOUR LEOPARD GECKO’S CAGE
//im-a-panda-bitch.tumblr.com 100% HIPSTER AND FOLLOWS EVERYONE!!
- Species Description: The Leopard Gecko, Eublepharis macularius, is a relatively small, grassland dwelling lizard with bright eyes and a constantly smiling face. They are incredibly hardy, perhaps owing to the fact that winter temperatures do drop low enough to cause brumination in their range. Leopard geckos lead solitary lives in the wild, and are heavily nocturnal.
- Temps and Heating: Leopard Geckos do like a warm basking spot, however, they should not be kept too warm. a 90 - 94 degree basking spot should be provided during your gecko’s waking hours. Please note that basking spot refers to surface temperature, not ambient air temperature. Your ambient air temps should be in the mid to low 80’s, fading to a bit above or equal to room temperature (usually mid 70s for most people, if you are not one of those folks, be prepared to accommodate your gecko’s temperatures accordingly.) There are several kinds of heating applications you can use for Leos, but there are problems with many. I recommend a blue/moonlight bulb in a lamp fixture that has a dimmer. Using basking bulbs is the only way to create a basking spot, but keep in mind your gecko is nocturnal! Bright white lights can stress them out, discourage activity, and can be bothersome to whoever shares the room with the gecko at night. Red bulbs love to brag about how they can’t be detected by the geckos, but BEWARE. While it is still heavily debated, there is evidence to suggest that using nothing but red light can harm a lizard’s eyes over time, even to the point of permanent blindness. Blue moonlight bulbs are visible to your gecko, but are not harsh and bothersome, and have not been known to affect vision. You could also use an under tank heating pad, which is closer to natural for your leopard gecko, as wandering at night they would only have access to residual heat that they would pick up along the belly as they move around their environment. However they can still stop to warm on sufficiently warm surfaces, and you cannot make a 90 degree basking spot with a heating pad. Not without risking a lot of harm at least! You can also side mount a heating pad, but again, no basking spots there. DO NOT USE HEAT ROCKS OR ANY HEATING APPLICATION THAT MUST BE INSIDE THE CAGE.
- Humidity: Ambient cage humidity does not need to be maintained for this species. Your open water bowl should be enough. In fact, it could actually make this arid species ill should you accidentally make the cage too humid! While it is very easy to raise humidity, it is exceedingly difficult to lower it. A humid hide should be provided, a box or whatever hide of your choosing filled with gently moistened moss. Sphagum is a good choice. The moss should seem springy, full, clumping and moist to the touch, but you should not get any water from it if you give it a moderate squeeze. This hide should always be available and maintained so your gecko has the choice to use it should they ever feel too dry, or even too hot. When your gecko is shedding, however, a light spritzing with a water bottle to wet the cage down a bit after it is at proper gecko-operating temperatures should be done. Make sure to remove any feces and complete spot cleaning before this spritz, because man, that poop stinks worse being spritzed then it does when it’s fresh.
- Housing: A 10 gallon tank is perfect for babies and juveniles, but be sure to monitor the feeding of babies smaller than your pointer finger (not counting the tail) very intently when feeding. Sometimes something that small can’t find food in something that big! For adults, a 20 gallon long tank should suit one individual just fine. While the opinion varies, I personally do not recommend communal housing for anything but planned breeding in the immediate future, as it prevents aggression and the passing of possible communicable disease and parasites. It also makes feeding easier to monitor. If you are housing geckos together for breeding, try to use a 40 gallon breeder instead. Ample space is best. Please do make note of long and breeder, as these have the most optimal foot print for glass tanks of their gallon. Leopard geckos are terrestrial and can not make use of tall tank space, so remember, the only space that matters is the floor of the tank. Glass tanks and plastic tubs with ventilation added work equally well. I actually prefer the plastic tubs myself, as I find them easier to maintain, move to clean, heat, and ventilate, but they are not very display worthy.
- Substrate: This is one of the most heavily debated topics for all popular lizard species, and you have probably seen a lot of confusing, conflicting answers. Let me stress before I get in to this that I have used so many different substrates for so many different things that I have strong biases and preferences but man, they are not uneducated. There are only two substrates you should consider for your leopard gecko: Paper towels and carefresh. Paper towels are the best choice out of the two, as it is much more difficult for uneaten crickets to burrow in to it and vanish forever, not as gross when it gets wet, and far easier/cleaner to change frequently. Do not use newspaper, it can dye their feet over time and they can be lethal if ingested.. not to mention crickets you might miss will inevitably nibble on it and ingest the dye, and then your lizard will ingest the cricket. Newsprint with no ink is ok, but I don’t like how crunchy and easily mushed by moisture it is. DO NOT USE SAND. There is so much wrong with sand that I’ll just say google impaction and that should be that. Do not use mulches or barks, as these are just as capable of giving your gecko a splinter as they are to you, are dusty, and just so not worth the effort since you don’t need humidity. Same with expanded coconut coir- usually I like this bedding for a lot of species, but not for arid grassland lizards that do not burrow. Do not use aspen, as leopard geckos are small enough that ingestion would be harmful and aspen is actually a dehydrating bedding. Only animals of sufficient size and humidity should be kept on aspen. Leopard geckos are not one of these animals.
- Hides: You should have minimally 3 hides for your leopard gecko: one on the hot side, one on the cool side, and one moist hide smack dab in the middle. This way, your gecko can pick what temperature he wants to be while still feeling safe, and you’re not risking him being too hot or too cold while they try to hydrate themselves. You are welcome to add as many additional hides as you want to, just keep in mind you absolutely need those 3. Remember this hide count is per gecko and not per cage. Privacy is often at its most important during communal housing situations, and providing them the ability to have that without sacrificing thermoregulation is important. If you use carefresh (or heaven forbid, any other non-sheet, particulate substrate) make sure that your hides are not made of a heavy material like stone. On the off chance your gecko might decide to dig one day, injury and death could result from tunneling beneath the hide and having it fall on them.
- Hydration: On top of having a humid hide, water should also be made available in a shallow, open water dish. The dish should not be deeper than the gecko is tall- it should come up to their sides and be easy to get out of if they should decide to go in. Take the same weight precautions as you would with hides, but try not to pick something so light weight that your gecko can easily tip it. Change it every day with fresh, clean water, and disinfect it entirely at least once a week. I recommend giving your gecko a supervised 15 minute soak in luke-warm water just to make totally sure that it is as hydrated as it should be! I do this with every reptile in my collection.
- Diet: Leopard geckos are pure insectivores! They do not require whole vertebrate prey, fruits, or vegetables. They do, however, require fresh, living, gut-loaded (fed on a nutritious diet within the last 24 hours) prey. This usually means caring for feeder insects for a day or two before giving them to your gecko, so be sure to plan ahead with your purchases. Adult crickets generally only live 2 weeks, so don’t buy too far ahead! A varied diet is important. Keep your leopard gecko on a rotating variety of insects. Brown crickets, dubia roaches, mealworms, superworms, hornworms, phoenix worms, and silkworms all make good feeders, as do the pupated beetles of mealworms and superworms. Avoid insects you find in your house or outside (could have been exposed to pesticides or carrying internal parasites) and butter worms (they are all wild caught.) Use fatty waxworms sparingly, as treats or training rewards, as they are addictive and can encourage obesity and finickiness. Be sure to give your feeder insects access to moisture in the form of cricket water (a water expanded gel to prevent drowning) and fresh fruits and vegetables. Avoid giving them dry dog and cat foods as a protein source unless it is exceptionally high quality, as this actually raises the cholesterol content of the crickets and yes, your leo could end up suffering from high cholesterol in time. All food should be coated in supplemental powders that include calcium and D3, and I use a multivitamin as well. Be mindful to do these separately, do not mix the supplements in one bag, as many of them can break each other down and make the other useless. Supplement every day for babies, sub-adults, and breeding/gravid females. Supplement every other day for non-breeding females and adult males.
- Temperament and Handling: While some babies can be defensive, standing on tip toes and letting out a shocking (but perhaps the least threatening I’ve ever heard) scream, remember it is a phase and it will pass! Leopard geckos that are handled gently and regularly usually become calm pets that are content to walk through your hands and sit on your laptop. Geckos in general are really not the brightest, but this works for you, making them very placid once they become placid at all. Please note that leopard geckos have autotomizing tails,and you risk theirs falling off if you tug on it! Never pick your gecko up by the tail or play with it. When holding them, do your best to support their entire body at all times. Don’t let them wander if you are standing and make conscious effort to avoid any situation where should your gecko fall they would be falling a long way. Like I said, geckos aren’t bright. They will walk right off a ledge if you let them.
- Additional Notes: Leopard Geckos are prone to stuck shed on the feet and toes, even with humid hides and shedding sprays. If this should happen, let them stand in ankle deep water for a bit, or put them in a tupperware with soaked paper towel at the bottom for awhile. After letting the skin moisten, gently roll it off between your finger tips. Shed stuck elsewhere can be gently rubbed away with a wet or mineral oil soaked Q-tip. Leopard geckos come in a wide variety of colors, patterns, and some are even bred to be larger- research your morph of choice, as some come with the potential for genetic disease. It is always best to buy directly from a breeder, as you can obtain records and continuing assistance.